I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
