I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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