arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
