and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
