And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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