I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize