The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
