I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We don't watch enough power rangers
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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