Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dicks are not precious.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
