I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
