The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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