"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
tequila makes me forget i have legs
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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