Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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