So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
