I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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