i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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