Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
