He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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