Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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