Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize