Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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