a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
