The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
