i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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