We're like a lot better than the average bears
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
