I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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