Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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