I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think my moral compass just broke
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
