Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
