birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
