I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize