What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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