so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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