I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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