I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
