Well douche your snatch and let's go!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
