Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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