Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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