Got a toothbrush?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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