What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
