Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
