; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
