I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
