Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
