I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
