i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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