Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
