It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
