Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
