Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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