Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
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As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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