how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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