So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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