Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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