Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
