I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
