I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
