I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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