omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
