we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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