dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
