Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
