WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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