Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
