Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
