I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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