Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
