So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
