so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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