The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
