I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
