you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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