Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
