I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
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I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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