oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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