No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
