i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My balls are so social today.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
